One of the great dilemmas drug availability has thrust upon parents is how to judge when to trust and when to intervene. On the whole, it is essential for young people to be able to know that their rooms are private territory. Nothing is quite as unsavory and contemptible as the parent who snoops around their son's or daughter's papers and belongings. However, if you have a genuine fear that they might be doing something that could seriously damage their health and put their lives at risk, you might feel that this justifies a search.
Some of the obvious first signs are seeing the objects associated with drug use in your teenager's possession. Scorched tinfoil, spoons with a bent handle, charred tin lids or bowls, mirrors and razor blades, screws of paper, discarded tins or bottles of solvents, cigarette papers, eye droppers, or pill bottles (especially when you know he or she has not been to the doctor recently for a legitimate reason), all should make you ask for a discussion. Another worrying sign would be spatters of blood in the bathroom or in your teenager's room or on their clothes, especially on the arms or legs. Mainlining leaves 'tracks' or puncture marks around the injected vein, and the young person who flatly refuses to roll up their sleeves or wear brief clothing in summer could be sending out strong messages to you.
However, you might only see these signs if your teenager actually wants you to do so. He or she could find it difficult to start a dialogue, and leave tell-tale traces to prompt you to speak out. Just as often, the young person will hide any evidence, and it is only a change in their behaviour that might show that something is wrong. The main problem here is that many of the signs of drug taking are not that different from the classic mood swings and physical ups and downs of adolescence. You may have to be particularly sensitive and alert to separate the 'normal' bloody-mindedness of a teenager from the desperate instability of the regular drug taker. If your teenager suddenly becomes exceptionally moody, swinging from being sunny tempered to being sulky, or shows unexpected bad temper or aggression, this should cause concern. Other signs may include a change in appetite. He or she may stop eating or suddenly have cravings for sweet things. The teenager might alter sleeping patterns, staying up for all hours and never seeming to go to be or becoming impossible to shift in the morning. Old friends ma be dropped, and study or work as well as sports and other interests might go by the board. New friends could appear mysteriously, and your teenager might suddenly start taking phone calls or visits at odd times of the day or night, and insist on going out immediately. They may become furtive, secretive and tell obvious lies, and money or belongings, their own and yours could melt away.
If you do see any of these signs, the first of the Golden Rules is don't panic. You might be mistaken about their significance and an hysterical accusation is more likely to push your youngster towards anti-social or self-destructive behavior. You and you partner, or a good friend, need to focus your feelings and attitudes first, to get the situation into perspective. Drug use is not necessarily a one-way trip to the cemetery. In spite of the error stories, hardly any drugs are impossible to come off -arbitrates, where the withdrawal symptoms in a heavy use n be life-threatening, are probably the only exception. In all other cases, the withdrawal period or 'cold turkey', when the body has to readjust and get accustomed to being without the rug, can be unpleasant, but short-lived and tolerable. Withdrawal from heroin addiction, for instance, with its cramps, chills and runny nose, is actually no worse than a bad bout of flu. The difference is that the addict knows relief is just a fix away, and the person who seeks escape from the real world in drugs is to be the sort of person who will be unwilling to endure temporary pains of cold turkey.
Getting someone off drugs requires three steps:
1. for them to decide to make that commitment
2. for them to go through withdrawal.
3. for them to find life exciting or inter drugs.
You can’t make a teenager who is drugs turn their back on their artificial contentment or appeal. All you can do is to help them find something better, resolve the problems that led them to take drugs in the first place and to make that decision for themselves. Spending thousands of pounds drying them out, and then returning them to the life or environment that tipped them into drug use in the first place, is just a good way of wasting energy and money. There are some excellent specialist agencies that can advise and support you and your family if drugs are your problem. Most young people don't get pulled into this trap, but the parents of those who do are not alone and can find sympathetic guidance, both from professionals and from self-help groups.
If you want to be sure that your teenager is unlikely to turn to drugs, there are some strategies you can adopt. They mainly consist of removing the reasons for drug taking - a wish to escape, boredom or a desire to rebel. Young people who are loved and feel confident in their parents' approval are less likely to need drugs. Young people who have a good self-image are more likely to hold out against the threats, sneers or blandishments of their friends. Young people who are involved in activities, whether social, sporting or academic - have less need for such an escape. Young people who can talk over their disagreements with their parents and the adults around them can show their revolutionary tendencies in less destructive ways.
The other area is for you to avoid demonstrating the appeal of mind-altering substances. There is little point in giving out moral statements on the perils of drugs if you come home in the evening and sink into the sofa with a loud sigh and a gin and tonic or a beer. Do you make jockey comments about guests who refuse drinks, or are you always ready to offer a non-alcoholic alternative? Do you smoke, and have you ever taken pills to tide you over a crisis? It isn't the usage that will push your young people towards a drug lifestyle, but whether or not you are prepared to discuss the part these substances play in your life, and how you see them. As with so much in parenting, love, care, honesty and discussion are the lifebelts that keep you and your adolescents safe from drowning.
