When your offspring finally do let slip the fact that they have a boy or girlfriend, how are you to react? Some parents, as we have already mentioned, do so with criticism or animosity, in an attempt to keep their young people in check. They reveal their jealousy and possessiveness by finding fault with their 'rival' and belittle them to, or in the hearing of, their teenager. Some parents find themselves drawn to an opposite but equally devastating approach.
The welcome is just that little bit too affectionate, as the same-sex parent consciously or unconsciously puts themselves in direct competition. In effect, they say 'You may give yourself airs, but I am not yet ready to be retired from sexual attractiveness and can still best you at this game.' To the mortification of the son or daughter, the parent then uses all their considerable adult skills and charm to be more attractive to the boy or girlfriend than they are.
Of course, the fact that your sons and daughters have sexual equipment in working order and are aware of themselves as sexual beings, does not mean that they necessarily will want to use this potential. They often get conflicting messages from you. At first, warnings about the opposite sex, and then anxious enquiries if they don't have a close alliance with one of this dangerous group! Teenagers often find it very difficult to be just friends with a member of the opposite sex, because any liaison is immediately assumed to be romantic and sexual, and both come under pressure to make it other than it is. Teenagers can also become frightened and depressed if they don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. They may become convinced that there is something wrong with them and that nobody will ever love them.
You might like to point out to them that the opposite sex are people, not things to own or be owned by, and that it is better to wait for a friendship that has real value than to grab at one just for the sake of it. They may need immense reassurance that people of their age group develop at very different rates, so rather than imitate their peers they should pay heed to what they need and want at the time. They also need to be reminded that a large amount of what they will be told by their peers is empty boasting. Many a young couple has been egged on by their 'friends', with tales of their prowess and experiences, to have intercourse. They then find that they are, in fact, the first in the group to lose their virginity - and often to become parents in one fell swoop!
