"Me do it!" is one of the lines parents of preschoolers can expect to hear starting around a child's second birthday. This declaration of independence provides a golden opportunity for parents to allow their young try-it-alls to perfect their skills, as long as household rules aren't broken. Parents should remind themselves of their ultimate goal: to produce self-confident and self-sufficient children. So dig deep for extra patience as you bear with your child's mistakes, and balance the need to get chores done against the importance of teaching your preschoolers important living skills.
Preventing the Problem
Don't assume your child can't do something.
Keep track of your child's changing levels of expertise. Make sure you've given her a chance to try something before doing it for her, so you don't underestimate her current ability.
Buy clothing your child can manage.
Buy clothes that easily go up and down for your child in potty training, for example. Buy shirts that will go over her head and not get stuck on her shoulders when she puts on her clothes.
Store clothing in coordinated, accessible units.
Help your child develop an eye for coordination by sorting her clothes. Make them accessible by putting them in bins or drawers she can easily each.
Prevent frustration.
Try to make tasks as easy for your child to accomplish as possible. Undo snaps on her pants or start the zipper on her coat, for example, before you let her finish the job.
Solving the Problem
What to Do
Play Beat the-Clock.
Tell your child how much time you have for a certain activity, so she won't think it's her inability to do something that makes you take over the job. Set a timer for the number of minutes you want to allow for the task, and say, "Let's see if we can get dressed before the timer rings." This helps your child learn a sense of being on time, and it reduces the power struggle between you and your child because you're not telling her to do something, the timer is. If you're in a hurry and must finish a task your child has started, explain the circumstances before taking over, to prevent your child from thinking it was her inability that made you take over.
Suggest cooperation and sharing.
Because your child doesn't understand why she can't do something, and she doesn't realize that she'll be able to do it eventually, suggest sharing a job by having her do what she can while you do the rest. For example, when tying shoes for a one-year-old, say, "Why don't you hold your sock while I'll put on your shoe." Whenever possible, let your child accomplish some portion of the task instead of merely watching you and feeling inadequate.
Make effort count.
As your child's first and most important teacher, you can encourage her to attempt various tasks. Teach her the axiom that "practice makes perfect" by saying, for example, "I like the way you tried to braid your hair. That was a great try. You can try again later, too." Or praise your child's attempt at putting on her shoes, even if she does it incorrectly.
Remain as calm and patient as you can.
If your child wants to do everything ("I'll put on my shorts," "I'll open the door," "Me close the drawer"), remember that she's asserting her independence, not her obstinacy. Since you want her to learn to do things by herself, let her try. Avoid getting upset when things aren't done as quickly or precisely as you'd like. Instead, take delight in the fact that your child is taking the first step toward being self-sufficient and be proud of her for taking the initiative.
Allow as much independence as possible.
Let your child do as much by herself as she can, so frustration doesn't replace her innate curiosity. While tying her shoe, for example, don't insist on keeping her other shoe away from her fidgety fingers if she wants to hold it. She can hand it to you when you're finished with the first.
Ask your child to do things; don't demand.
To make your preschooler more likely to ask for things nicely, show her how to make requests politely. Say, "When you ask me nicely, I'll let you do X." Then explain what you mean by nicely. For example, tell your child to say, "Please, may I get a fork?" when she wants a fork.
What Not to Do
Don't punish your child's mistakes.
There are bound to be a few mishaps along the way, so be patient. If your child tries to pour the milk herself and accidentally spills it, help her do so more carefully the next time. Don't expect success right away.
Don't criticize your child's effort.
Avoid pointing out your child's mistakes. If she puts her sock on inside out, for example, simply say, "Let's put the smooth side of the sock inside ext to your foot, okay?"
Don't feel rejected.
Don't feel hurt because your child doesn't appreciate your help. She's trying to do things on her own, and your help may be perceived as an obstacle. If she says, "Let me open the door," let her do it. She knows you can do things faster and with less effort, but she wants and needs to develop her skills. Appreciate her efforts to do things on her own.
