A very young child takes life as it comes; he knows no different and passes no judgment. But as his sense of self and his speech develop, he begins to reflect and see the world from his own perspective. He becomes aware of his own desires and wishes, and can form his own judgments. That's when he starts seeing that things can, indeed, be different; and when he puts this into words, he is expressing and risking his total experience of himself.
If you are a parent:
* Let him know that it's okay to complain: put a sheet of paper in his bedroom for written comments if he finds it difficult to face you
* Listen to his complaint, for it could be his first step towards a compromise and an important lesson in conflict resolution
* Try not to be defensive or competitive if he complains
* Be ready to apologize if he says you have gone too far
If you are a teacher:
* Turn any complaint into a question or statement: ‘It sounds like you think this mark isn't fair because you tried really hard this time, is that right?', ‘I think I need to explain myself more fully. Thank you for letting me know'
* If you are able to enter a student's world, see how things are for him and accept his perspective, you will be modeling empathy and teaching him emotional literacy
This is why, as soon as he is able to voice, or display, disappointment or dissatisfaction, his complaints should be taken seriously and responded to respectfully. His self-confidence and self-understanding depend on it.
