For some boys, living in the shadow of a brother or sister is a nightmare that stays with him for the rest of his life. He can never quite shake off the humiliation and feeling of inferiority. Comments like: 'Your brother would not have produced work like that' or 'You're not as talented as your sister' can ruin pride and kill ambition. Friends, too, can be used (or rather abused) as a model for him to measure up to, in questions like: 'Why can't you do as well as Jonathan?' But far from acting as a spur, adults who suffered these taunts as children say their childhood was tainted by them.
Even handing out equal praise can be limiting. Saying: 'Dan's the brainy one in the family and Jim's the athelete' may give each brother something to be proud of, but it will make it less likely that either will explore their potential to do well in the other's field of interest. Brothers and sisters may be genuinely different, but they also make themselves different in order to create their own territory, and when skills become territories, children can become tribal.
If you are a parent:
* Every child responds - an entitled to respond - differently to situations because each child is unique; comparisons will undermine his self-confidence
* Make it clear there is room for more than one artist, poet, pianist or tennis player in the family
* Labeling causes resentment, and may tempt a boy to do an become the opposite out of pique
* Compare your son with how you were or what you did at his age; he is himself, not you
If you are a teacher:
* Positively value each child as an individual - references to siblings should never be used to damn or coerce work
* Be especially supportive of originality and creativity
* The most useful comparison, if one is to be made, is self-referential: compare each boy's current performance or piece of work with his last
