Dawdling and won't get dressed
I am told there are children who jump with enthusiasm out of bed, get dressed and are ready for school hours ahead of time. But this endangered species is outnumbered by whole divisions of dawdlers.
Dawdlers come in two sorts: those created with a dreamy, slow-moving brain, and the ones who go slowly to damage their parents' health. You send the dreamer off to get dressed; half an hour later they're stuck in a catatonic trance, blankly staring at a sock. This is different to the wind-up child who is deaf to all warnings until Mum is close to seizure. Then they grab their belongings and jump on the bus.
Dreamers need to be woken early and reminded many times. Their clothes should be laid out and ready the night before. They get rewarded for the little steps they make: 'He's got his pants on!... Wow, now he's got his vest on too!'
The secret is to nudge gently yet be immensely patient. In reality nothing short of a faith healer will transform this temperament. Often their dreamy style is quite like someone you chose to marry.
The deliberate dawdler also needs an early start, but after this, only allow a limited number of reminders. After two or three prompts, set the kitchen timer to announce ten minutes before departure. If the child is running late, that's their problem and they must sort this out with the school.
It takes an exceptional parent to watch as their child leaves home hungry and partly dressed. But change can only come when a child takes responsibility and is allowed to feel the repercussions of their actions.
Daydreaming
Some children are created with a dreamy temperament. Teachers despair as the child glazes over and their thoughts slip out the window. Schools may dramatize daydreaming, diagnosing this spaced-out boredom as "petit mal epilepsy'.
A few of these dreamers have the predominantly inattentive form of ADHD. Here they lose attention and drift off target and this is often associated with moments of unreliable impulse control.
Some children switch off to escape from the difficulties in their life. We often see this with family breakdowns and other unhappiness. If a previously sparkly, alert child becomes detached and disinterested, suspect an motional trigger or even depression.
After the age of eleven years children develop the ability to use abstract thinking. Some of these older children become dreamers as the potential Einstein tries to think through a new theory of relativity.
Here are some tips for dealing with dreamers:
- Dreamers need structure, encouragement and reminders of time.
- Work beside the child to keep the focus on the task at hand. Use a kitchen timer to add some urgency to homework completion or eating dinner.
- Consider the possibility of predominantly inattentive ADHD (inattentive, slightly impulsive, disorganized, poor short-term memory).
- Exclude specific learning disabilities (such as dyslexia) where attention drifts as they lose interest in that one area of difficulty.
- Daydreaming may be in the genes. The child may be just like Mum or Dad
- Sometimes we can't change the daydreamer; we can only change our expectations.
